just alisha things

In true Alisha fashion, I have been dreading turning 25 ever since I turned 24. No age has ever felt this significant but so jarring – 18 was exciting and I felt like I was finally an adult, 21 felt like I was in the prime of my life, 25 feels…old. A quarter of a century old. It’s had me questioning everything about myself – what have I done with my life so far? What do I want to do with the life I have left? For as long as I can remember, I’ve put pressure on myself to achieve milestones on a specific timeframe. I wanted to have my own car at 18, be in my dream job after university at 22, possibly be engaged at 25. I must have been mental because this is so unrealistic and again, in true Alisha fashion, I clearly had my head in the clouds. 25 has always felt so far away. I had so many dreams and goals that filled the gap of time between being 18 and 25, and I wouldn’t even consider factors like money, opportunities, and the fact that life never goes according to plan. I’ve been stuck in a perpetual state of reflection since I turned 24 and the countdown to 25 began, but now the time has come, I look back on who I was at 18 and realise how much I’ve learned. I want to rewrite the definition of being 25 for myself, so instead of dwelling on what I may not have achieved and surrendering to the overwhelming cloud of doom, I’m choosing to focus on what I’ve learned about myself in the first quarter of my life.

1. It’s okay to say no

I have been a yes girl for longer than I care to admit. I’ve said yes to my own detriment to the point where I realised I’m not going to die by saying no. It’s important to have personal boundaries and to carve time out for yourself, people won’t dislike you for saying no every once in a while.

2. Overthinking gets you nowhere

I have and will always be an overthinker. Micro analysing is my speciality, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t recognise that it doesn’t do anything for me. The older I’ve gotten the more I’ve tried a ‘grasp the bull by the horns’ approach – this has definitely helped ease my anxiety where I haven’t been considering the worst possible outcome of everything I do.

3. Not everyone is going to like you

Everyone wants to be liked, whether they want to admit it or not. I’ve definitely found myself putting on a façade or changing my personality to reflect who I’m talking to in the past, but what is it worth when you’re compromising who you are in the process? It’s much more effort to put on a front for people than it is just to live your life being your authentic self, and the people that like you that way are the only ones that matter.

4. Don’t live your life in the comfort zone

This is a big one for me; my comfort zone is where my anxiety gets to control me and what I do. It’s far too easy staying in it and missing out on life experiences, memories and opportunities of a lifetime. Every now and then I feel brave and do something spontaneous, like moving to a different country or paragliding off the edge of a mountain, and other times I struggle to even just make a phone call to my doctors. A lot of my long-lasting memories are from making myself uncomfortable and doing something new, exciting and sometimes terrifying. I recently got promoted at work by stepping out of my comfort zone and giving myself a new challenge. I don’t think spending some time in your comfort zone is a bad thing, but it’s important to recognise just how much it can hold you back.

5. There is no set timescale to live by

I can’t stress just how much this lesson has helped me. I have often felt like a failure in the past because I haven’t gone straight into a job after graduating or haven’t learned to drive at the same time as my friends, and honestly, this way of thinking is so draining. No, I haven’t travelled the continents yet, no I don’t know how to drive and no I’m not in my dream career, but while life is short I do still have time to accomplish these things. It doesn’t mean that I’m a failure because I haven’t done them yet.

6. It’s okay to be unique

This one is born from my anxiety and low self-esteem, but for a long period of my life all I’ve wanted is to blend in. I used to hate the fact that my Northern accent made me stand out in a sea of Irish accents, and that I stood a few inches above everyone else because of my height, both being things that were pointed out to me by people every day. I’m trying not to constantly pick apart my appearance and accept that these things aren’t imperfections, they’re what makes me unique. Comparison really is the thief of joy and I could sit and scroll on Instagram all day and wonder why I don’t look like other girls; why am I not as slim, tanned, pretty or photogenic as them? And while it’s normal to feel vulnerable and self-conscious every now and then, I can’t waste any more of my life wishing I was someone else.

7. You’re going to make mistakes

I have always felt an incessant need to be perfect at everything and do things perfectly right the first time around. This is just unrealistic and unattainable, and with mistakes come lessons. You’re only ever going to learn and grow through the mistakes and failures you make.

8. Go easy on yourself

This goes hand in hand with the previous lesson. We are our own worst critics and I’m guilty of beating myself up whenever I do or say something wrong. The world is going to beat us up as much as it can along the way, so why should I do the same? Giving myself some grace when I don’t do something quite as I’d have liked to has been really valuable to me recently.

9. Everything happens for a reason

I know not everyone is a believer of this, but everything that I’ve viewed as a knockback or something that hasn’t turned out quite as I’d have liked, has always been followed by something so much better.

10. There is power in being vulnerable

I have to admit that I’m an open book, heart on your sleeve kind of girl. But that trait didn’t come to me easily. In the past I’ve found myself having a constant front and almost acting as an imposter, never wanting to be open or readable to others, because I viewed it as a weakness. Once I started being true to myself and being vulnerable, honest and authentic to others, I found myself forging much deeper friendships and relationships and ultimately accepting that it was never a weakness to begin with. Now you can’t stop me from oversharing to others 😌😅

11. Not every friendship will last forever

You always hear the saying that friendships come and go, yet it still seems hard coming to terms with this fact. I’ve had lots of great friendships that have eventually just fizzled out from losing touch, moving away or moving on – and it isn’t always a bad thing. I’ve always viewed it as something that’s my fault, that I haven’t made enough effort or been a good enough friend to make the relationship last, but the truth is that we outgrow people, places and bonds, and that’s okay.

12. Stop worrying so much about what other people think of you

Wear the daring outfit, have the loudest laugh in the room, speak your truth; life is way too short to fret over the opinion other people have of you to the point it hinders you. Life your life as fully as you can because the people that matter most will love you just the way you are.

13. Always have time for yourself

This is easy for me because I enjoy my own company and have always been independent, but not everyone is like that. The power in spending time alone shouldn’t be underestimated – whether it’s staying in and watching a movie, having a self-care day or setting aside half an hour every day to read, being in your own company is liberating, refreshing and vital for our mental health. It doesn’t need to be travelling solo around the world or taking yourself out for dinner, literally just doing something you enjoy and purely for yourself at least once a week is enough.

14. Prioritise your health

Spent way too long living with a health issue because you’re too anxious or lazy to call the doctors? Literally, the story of my life. As I approached 25 I promised myself I’d put my health first and get all the little things I’ve been worrying about seen to, and let me tell you, I wish I’d done this a long time ago. Physical, mental or spiritual health – they’re all extremely important to our wellbeing and quality of life, do not let them take a back seat.

15. Exercise is not a form of punishment

I’m including this one in here even though it’s currently only a lesson half learnt for me. The difficult relationship I have with food and my body has allowed me to view movement and exercise as a negative thing, and that the only purpose of it is for weight loss. I know I’m wrong and I’ve spent a long time underestimating the power of moving my body, and how this actually improves my relationship with it. Whether it’s a short walk or a swim in the sea or a quick ten minutes stretching, I’m slowly starting to realise that exercise isn’t something that should be feared.

16. Social media is a breeding ground for insecurity

We are so conditioned to open our social media apps without a second of thought, comparing ourselves to others and doom scrolling through endless shitty news stories. I become tunnel-visioned in this state and get trapped in a constant state of misery. I once took a week off social media altogether and my mental health improved drastically. While I still use social media, I can now take a second to appreciate there is so much more to life than my presence online.

17. It’s okay to ask for help

Like the lesson of going easy on yourself, it’s important to realise you will never be perfect. How many times have you caught yourself struggling to keep your head above water because you took much on? How many times have you felt weighed under by all the responsibilities of life because you felt like a burden asking anyone for help? I’m definitely guilty of this, whilst also being the person who jumps to the aid of anyone I love when they need help. Let them be there for you too.

18. It’s never too late to learn a hobby

If I’m not instantly good at something, I want to quit. It’s hard engaging yourself and making effort to learn new skills and techniques, but they ultimately enrich our lives and give us more depth as human beings. Be patient with yourself and realise that you can never have too many notches under your belt.

19. Treat others how you would like to be treated

This was in our school ethos that we recited in assembly every morning at primary school. It never stops being relevant and worth putting into practice.

20. You are always replaceable at work

No job is ever worth killing yourself over. The world of work is ruthless and while working hard isn’t a bad thing, if you find yourself doing it for a company that doesn’t value you or your mental and physical wellbeing, you won’t get anywhere.  

21. You can only rely on yourself for true happiness

It isn’t the sole responsibility of others to ensure that you’re happy. Your spouse, your friends and your family can contribute to how happy you are and to your quality of life but you have to be happy within to truly be at peace.

22. Don’t take life too seriously

It’s so easy to get caught up in matters like work, relationships and finances, so much so that you forget that life is passing you by like a high-speed train. While these things are important and worth considering, you’ll regret the times you stopped yourself from going out with friends, the holidays you didn’t take and the opportunities you turned down because of money worries. Stress is usually almost always self-inflicted, and I once read about the 5 x 5 rule in a self help book that I always try to apply whenever I feel myself getting caught up in the stresses of life: will this matter in five years’ time? If not, give yourself five minutes to stress about it, and move on.

23. It’s okay to be selfish every now and then

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, and you can do this whilst also being mindful of others and their needs. Don’t be scared of prioritising yourself and looking out for what is best for you, because you can’t rely on other people doing it for you.

24. Put importance on the right things

It doesn’t matter how many Instagram followers you have, how much money you make or what type of car you drive. What’s really important is how you treat others, being your authentic self and living your life the way you want to live it.

25. Always look at the bigger picture

I often get hung up on little frustrations like “I wish I lived somewhere bigger” or “I wish I was two dress sizes smaller”. So many of us take life for granted and don’t realise how lucky we are. I’m lucky that I live in a house with my boyfriend and my cat and that I have a lovely little life with next to no drama or hindrances. I could spend the rest of my life wishing I lived in a different body, but it’s this body that’s gotten me to 25 years old with no major health issues, supporting me and allowing me to live a happy life. A little perspective can get you a long way.

This blog piece could trick you into thinking that I have my shit together and have life figured out; do not be fooled! I’m still muddling my way through and it would probably be very weird if I wasn’t at this age. It will always be my first instinct to want to blend into the background, to sit in my comfort zone, to compromise myself to appease others and to worry too much about what opinion people have of me, but I’m only ever going to learn and grow if I remember these lessons and put them into practice, no matter how daunting or impossible it feels. If I can be successful in doing that at 25 years old, I’m really excited to see what the next 25 years have in store for me ✨